Christina I know you like to know how you did on your readings so here goes...
Present Position: Knight of Swords - Dramatice change, new perspectives, upheaval... you have grown stronger in the "fight" or the conflict that you've recently faced... this isn't easy to deal with, but you will persevere if you maintain your focus and your logic...
I'm thinking this has to do with me and DH's recent brawl and near divorce..he lost my trust over a year ago and i'm still working on allowing myself to trust him and not wondering about who he's talking to and what he's saying. I'm also trying to deal with my recent discovery of his 2 year old son..thats been a big blow for me.
Immediate Influences: 5 of Wands (reversed) - Unhealthy competition... I don't know what this is referring to, but I see lack of balance in your life between the good times and the bad.. right now the bad is outweighing the good fostering some envy and bitterness on your part... let it go hun, it's not worth it
Again, i think this has to do with me and DH's arguments and bouts...lately i've been trying to find happy times in our relationship (i know they're there or i wouldnt have married him), but all i seem to see if the bad times and the mistakes we've both made..it has made me very tense and easily irratated sometimes.
Your Life: 7 of Swords (reversed) - Guile, tact... you don't have much available to you right now... your situation will best be handled with a calm and logical hand... it also calls for a GREAT deal of diplomacy... in order to defuse this situation...
Tact :
: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense yeah i had to look that word up first..lol..i do tend to yell and scream when trying to make a point and later realize..if i would have just stayed calm Dh might have been more apt to listen to what i had to say.
Root of the Reading: 6 of Cups - Dreams & ideals... you've been living in your dreams and in your past... it is time to pay attention to what is NOW... your current situation... this game of "what if..." and "if only..." is not helping you...
Hmm..i'm not too sure about this one..maybe this is talking about my "if i only had studied more and in school i would have gotten into UCF" or maybe even how i've been dwelling on the death of a friend of mine right before i had to leave to come to Germany..maybe?
Past Influences: 4 of Pentacles - (selfishness?? I'm not sure what this is... selfishness and greed...) nothing ventured nothing gained.... you have let yourself let go of your goals and your dreams in the past because you feared what it may cost you... what you might lose...
hmmm..again this is another i have to think about a little bit more. I have given up on my dream of being a theatre actress simply because it would never bee feasible as long as i'm a military wife. Could that be what this is talking about?
Future Influences: King of Swords (reversed) - I have NO idea who this is.. but there is a man (guy??) who lacks compassion... lacks a set standard of ethics... no sense of what justice or equality is (I'm thinking relationship... either you DH or your father... could be both, this is very confusing... did you marry someone who is like your father) Take note... they will not change without some MAJOR conflict...
Could be my DH..i'm always telling him he never is compassionate to my feelings and tend to make decisions without consulting me or taking into account how what he does (his decisions) affect me, not just him. I guess that could be like a father..but my father is not like that so i really cant say he's acting like MY father..maybe A father?
?
Your Feelings: 2 of Swords (reversed) - Your head and your heart is at odds... (something about a decision that you wanted to make, but was made for you) Listen to both your inner emotional self, and your logical self in order to find your answers...
Hmm dont really know what this could be about exactly...maybe me questioning my marriage or even my worriedness (<--is that a word??) about my career plans. Oh or even about having a child (i want to wait , DH wants a baby now) maybe thats the decision that was made for me, i didnt fight with DH about it at first..however i'm now on birth control.
Outside Influences: Knight of Wands (reversed) - A move or a journes that you are taking with trepidation... (are you moving is this a physical move)
I hope i'm not moving..PLEASE not again...maybe my spiritual journey? Or maybe my career plans?
Hopes & Fears: Ace of Swords - Controlled action... cutting the ties that bind... you know what needs to be done, yet you fear what consequences it may bring to you... do NOT live your life in fear... you will never know a moment of peace...trust yourself... make decisions carefully and weigh the consequences... remember that it is better to cut those things that are unnecessary and hurtful out of your life than it is to live with them and wonder what your life could be without them...
No clue who i would need to cut ties with..unless this has to do with me questioning my marriage...which i'm not really doing anymore..
Outcome: Queen of Cups - You've had some rocky patches and you've still got a long way to go, but the key to your happiness lies not in knowing or feeling that others love you.... YOU MUST LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.... LOVE YOU!
This is a definate problem i have..i have that "i need to make everyone happy or i'm a bad person" menatlity. I do feel the need to be reassured that i'm still loved and or approved ( i ask my husband all the time..do you still love me? and Was dinner okay? Too *deleted racial slur*y? and if i decide not to cook dinner one night i feel horrible..like i'm a bad wife)
Bravo Christina..i think you were totally head..even if there are some things i dont quite understand totally..its all something to meditate on. Thanks hun
Namaste